Feeding Families Foundation was started following our experience with life in the hospital after one of our daughters was diagnosed with leukemia. Read more of our story HERE.
The last year or so has been very tough. From the moment we found out about her diagnosis, we have been in a constant state of worry. By now it feels like we have become immune to the stress we feel constantly. In the early days following the diagnosis, lots of our family and friends reached out and asked how they could support us and what they could do to help.
Honestly, at that time, we had no idea how to answer them. We were just trying to digest what this diagnosis meant for our family, and we struggled to think beyond that.
Now that we have settled into a more predictable routine, we took some time to think about and reflect on our last year and came up with the following list of suggested ways to support a family whose child is in the hospital and/or is suffering from a chronic illness.
Reassure them that they are good parents.
Parents who have multiple children, one of which is in the hospital, likely, and unfortunately, means the family is split up – one parent staying in the hospital, one staying at home with the other children. Both parents feel guilty for not being there for their other children. During these times its easy to feel overwhelmed. The negative thoughts and feelings compound, and doubts about parenting ability starts to creep in. You want to be everywhere for everyone, but its not possible.
Getting reassurance from family and close friends during these moments means so much. It injects positivity into the psyche and can change the trajectory of a day.
Offer to take the other children for a few hours.
The siblings of a sick child are often negatively affected by the hospitalization. Their home life may suddenly seem unstable as their daily routine is thrown off. One of their parents and their sibling are not at home, sometimes for weeks. They may experience mixed feelings – scared, distraught, confused – and they may not fully understand those feelings.
As the parents deal with the diagnosis, their other children may miss out on experiences. Engaging the other children in enjoyable activities, like a trip to the playground for a few hours, provides a temporary distraction to have some fun and be a kid.
I remember my in-laws taking our oldest daughter to the fair during one of our hospital stays. It took her mind off things and she had a great time! We knew that she was in good hands and we were so thankful that she was able to have a fun experience despite what was going on with her sibling.
Bring Food.
With everything going on, grocery shopping and cooking are low on the priority list for the family when one of their children is in the hospital. If you offer to bring dinner, set up a meal delivery services like, or send gift cards to GrubHub, UberEats, or DoorDash, the family will greatly appreciate it.
Money Assistance or GoFundMe
It is very expensive having a critically, or chronically, ill child. Financial strain compounds when your child is in the hospital. The cost of hospital food and parking alone can cripple a budget. Other expenses for things like gas to drive to and from the hospital, medical bills, and childcare for other children only exacerbate the situation, made even more tenuous for the parent’s experiencing lost wages from being out of work while staying with their child.
A family whose child is battling illness has so much to worry about without the added stress of finances. If you can help them out, please give what you can. Your generosity will have an immediate impact.
Include them in your life
Maintain communication by sharing what’s happening in your life. Even if you think your challenges or daily happenings are small, it’s important to provide distractions and a sense of normalcy for them. They may not be able to get together or come to events like they did before but invite them anyway. Your outreach will be meaningful and have a positive affect.
Bring the fun to them
If it’s safe for the sick child and okay with the family, consider stopping by the hospital to just hangout. It can get very lonely in the hospital. Sometimes just dropping in to shoot the breeze brings about a sense of normalcy and comfort.
Send something to the ill child and any siblings
This does not need to be an extravagant gift. This can be as simple as a homemade card with their name on it. It makes the parents and the child feel good knowing that someone is thinking of them.
If there are siblings, consider bringing something for the other kids so everyone can feel included. While the ill child generally gets most of the attention, the siblings can be just as affected by the hospitalization.
Our friends have sent fun crafts and activities to keep all of our children busy. Our kiddos get so excited when packages are delivered. The little gifts they have received over the last year or so have been such a blessing.
Check in with them on big days
On big days, like surgeries or receiving test results, consider checking in and letting them know you are thinking of them. Such a small touch point goes a long way.
Be supportive
The main point of this list is to urge the reader to simply let the family know you are thinking of them. Not just during the hospital stay but afterwards as well. Be there to listen. Tell the family you are praying for them. Text them and let them know you are thinking of them. Please do not take offense if they don’t respond, just keep checking in on them anyway. Trust me, it will be greatly appreciated.